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Better Michigan high school team names

December 29, 2014

High school team mascots have gotten better over the last few decades but they are still awful. It was smart to get rid of the Redskins and Indians and replace them with Red Hawks and Warriors but this does contribute to horrible sameness of the team names. How many more schools need to be the Bulldogs, Rams, Eagles, or Tigers? It all feels sort of bland.

Some teams get it absolutely right.  The Watersmeet Nimrods is awesome. The Sparta Spartans is perfect. The Holland Dutch (even in the face of a growing Latino population) just seems to fit. The Midland Chemics and Bad Axe Hachets are great.

You can have amazing, memorable team names without resorting to inappropriateness.

Here’s my list of improved Michigan High School nicknames (in no particular order):

(disclaimer: I’m not sure all these places even have high schools and I’m too lazy to look them all up, deal with it)

  • Wayland Smithers
  • Cass Tech Aztecs
  • Grandville Anvils
  • Covert Operators
  • Birmingham Burgers
  • Rockford Files
  • Belding Misters
  • Charlevoix Cowboixs
  • Gladstone Joeys
  • Clare Bears
  • Roscommon Criminals
  • Taylor Swifts
  • Dundee Crocodiles
  • Tecumseh Shermans
  • Saline Solutions
  • Flat Rock Flat Rocks
  • Coldwater Flaccids
  • Sturgis Turgids
  • Dowagiac Attack
  • Owosso Opossums
  • Ludington Luddites
  • Mason Jars
  • Bangor Sandmash
  • Marshall Mathers
  • Hamtramck Hammocks
  • Alma Maters
  • Manistee Rexes
  • Marquette ZeroDonnies
  • Niles Cranes
  • Charlotte Webs
  • Ontonagon Toboggans
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One Comment leave one →
  1. Mike FM permalink
    September 3, 2015 9:49 pm

    One correction:
    Hamtramck Banana Hammocks

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