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PCB MLB Power Rankings

December 23, 2012

It’s pretty obvious I have affection for the Detroit Tigers. Sure, it’s fun to needle players about their eccentricities and foibles but at the end of the day it is all about loving the Olde English D. But what about the other guys? Evidently there are 29 other teams in the league!  If two teams outside of Detroit are playing each other, who does PCB cheer for?  Well, here is the hierarchy.

  1. Detroit Tigers – Duh
  2. Milwaukee Brewers – To avoid conflicts, it is safest to like a National League team next and the Brewers have been my favorite. I’ve been a big Prince Fielder fan even before the good guys added him.  They are a small, midwest city that is overshadowed by cities with fancier buildings and food. Can’t say Ryan Braun has done them any favors, but they are still likable. Also, their mascot is a person who makes beer! Beautiful.
  3. Tampa Bay Rays – Nothing gives me more pleasure than seeing the big boys go down, and the Rays have been the ones to knock them off. They were so bad for so long they seemed so harmless. They signed that guy from The Rookie. Plus, they have former Tigers Matt Joyce, Will Rhymes and, yes, Fernando Rodney for entertainment value
  4. Toronto Blue Jays – I don’t know what it is about the Blue Jays, but they just seem kinda charming. Great logo and uniforms. Seem to find unheralded sluggers. Being in a different country makes them feel so exotic!
  5. Pittsburgh Pirates – Lovable losers. The organization that brought us most of the current Tigers coaching staff. Great ballpark.
  6. Baltimore Orioles – Maybe you are noticing a trend here with certain types of AL east teams. Loved Cal Ripkin Jr. Until this year they seemed kinda cute and harmless. (ok, they still seem cute and harmless) Oh, and Adam Jones is buddies with Quintin.
  7. Cincinnati Reds – Warm memories of listening to the 1990 WS on the radio. Seem less douchy than many of the other the NL central douches.
  8. Miami Marlins – Comedy gold. Always drama. Source of such treasures as Jim Leyland, Miguel Cabrera, Anibal Sanchez, Omar Infante, and Dontrelle Willis. Have you seen their spinny home run thing!? Neat!
  9. Arizona Diamondbacks – Loved watching them win the 2001 WS. Kirk Gibson runs the show.
  10. Seattle Mariners – I LIKE TRAINS! Oh, and watching Ken Griffey Jr. in his prime.
  11. Atlanta Braves –  I still think of them as the Buffalo Bills of baseball. I like the Buffalo Bills. (evidently I like awful teams)
  12. Oakland A’s – It’s fun to beat them in the playoffs. Moneyball was fun.
  13. Washington Nationals – Umm… I like the President Race?
  14. Kansas City Royals – The first AL central foe on the list, and why shouldn’t it be the Royals?  They are surely the least threatening. They are so cute the way they always try so hard!
  15. San Diego Padres – I had a college buddy who is a big Padres fan, I guess some of it rubbed off on me. Am I the only one who liked the khaki away jerseys? Also, loved the account of the team in Dirk Heyhurst’s book Out Of My League.
  16. Colorado Rockies – Yay offense!
  17. Houston Astros – No strong feelings. I enjoyed Kevin Goldstien’s stuff and he works for them now, so I guess that’s something. They are terrible, so I guess that’s charming.
  18. San Francisco Giants – Believe it or not the team that knocked us off in the World Series is the least infuriating of the teams I dislike. Pablo Sandivol is chubby so Lynn Henning would hate him so I love him.
  19. Chicago White Sox – I’m surprised I don’t dislike the White Sox more. Perhaps it’s because I have a good friend who’s a White Sox fan, maybe it’s because I toured the ballpark as a student, maybe it’s because I feel like Ozzie did enough damage.
  20. Los Angeles Dodgers – Everyone loves the Dodgers. Look at the Dodgers! Aren’t the Dodgers a super cool thing?! NO. Barf.
  21. Chicago Cubs -The Cubs are the hipsters of baseball. People just like them ironically.
  22. New York Mets – NEWYORKISSOIMPORTANT!! blah
  23. Minnesota Twins – Game 163. Eat shit.
  24. Philadelphia Phillies – OMG THEIR STARTERS ARE ALL SO GOOD. Gag.
  25. Cleveland Indians – Your mascot is super racist. You are a bunch of jerks. I hate that damn drum. Enjoy Nick Swisher, douches.
  26. Texas Rangers – Still hate them for 2011.
  27. St. Louis Cardinals – Still hate them for 2006.
  28. Boston Red Sox – Why don’t you and the Yankees just mate already and create a little pretentious love child of entitlement and haughtiness.
  29. Los Angeles Angels of Anehiem – No, just no. Jared Weaver can fall down some stairs. Trout is good, but I’m sick of hearing about him. Adding Hamilton only adds to their dislikeablity.
  30. New York Yankees – As a disgruntled former employee, there is nothing more satisfying than watching the Yankees lose. Their owners are insufferable. Their fans are entitled. The team is covered like they are the only team that manners. They have Alex Rodriguez.  Congratulations Yankees, I hate you most.
2 Comments leave one →
  1. December 24, 2012 2:32 am

    Let’s go Mets!

  2. Travis permalink
    July 9, 2013 12:21 pm

    Los Angeles Angels of Anehiem – Adding Los Angeles just seems arrogant and pretentious.

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