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Sack o’ Mail v2.0

October 1, 2012

I’M HERE TO DELIVER THE PAAAIN!!
j/k, it’s mail

I’m happy to report we have a more swollen sack this week. So let’s get right to it!

Doug, I hate to do this, but this question gives away some questionable things about you. First, you desire to be retweeted by Rod Allen. Why? Will this retweet give you instant celebrity? Will it be something you can tell your grandchildren about someday? Granted, Rod is extremely cool, but do you think that his capitulating to your repeated retweet requests amounts to you gaining favor in his eyes?  Is this tiny bit of unearned affirmation that important? Second, I see no link between the team’s success and Rod’s endearment to you twittering. Vaccination and incidences of autism have a better correlation. Maybe try Jenny McCarthy for a retweet.

So in short, Yes, because I have no idea what I’m talking about.

Kevin Goldstien, before being scooped up by the Astros, had a policy in which he would never entertain questions about contrived trade proposals.  This is a very wise policy. Lucky for you Brain Matters doesn’t give a crap about wisdom.

First off, this isn’t exactly my specialty. You are trusting a guy who makes coconut bra jokes on the internet to break this down for you?

You do? Well, realize that Elvis Andrus is really, really, really, really good at baseball. What makes you think the Rangers have any desire to get rid of him? Ok, I know that there is supposed to be some kid coming up in their system, but I simply do not see Texas parting ways with him. Even if they were, is Porcello and Castel(y)anos enough for a very talented young short stop. I doubt it.

Then again, he is Venezuelan so it will probably happen.

Victor Martinez? Let’s imagine through some amazing Pools of Bethesda style healing he is ready to go today. You might want to factor in, Mr. ShakeBrkBounce, that he’s has not taken a single swing at live pitching all year. You know how pitchers are way ahead of hitters the first week of spring training? Multiply that by 10. There is simply NO WAY ON EARTH this will happen.

Now, if you are talking about Vic Darensbourg I would put the odds at about 15%.

So Fister looked confused when Fielder told him to step off the mound to recognize is record breaking strikeout record.  Then he looked upset at him when the inning was completed.  Then he goes out the next inning and almost loses the game.  Did this take him out of his zone?  WWPD? What would Phil do???? – rbukowskijr

A very good question. Doug can do what he wants, but I always listen to a giant man with a thick beard.

No. Well maybe two chickens. I mean, it is their native sport. It would like competing against two Poles in polo, or two Jews in Judo, or two Canadians in hockey…really tough to beat.

Take a look at the following chart:

Fancy Tigers Fan Venn Diagram

As you can see from this epicly awesome chart there are ton of people in the green who at one time called this season “over” yet have not conveniently forgotten that they have done so.  But yes, blue can slap yellow but green people should slap themselves  If Mike Trout wins the MVP it is the fault of the green people.

Wow, you got me there.

That’s all we have time for! Gotta hang some plastic over our lockers! (NO JINX, NO JINX)

Adios!

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