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June 5, 2012

Rogo has grown tired of confronting the same old crap from Bill Simonson on Mlive. I don’t blame him. I have no idea why I wasted my time refuting this nonsense, but I did, so I put it on the internet. Enjoy?


The Detroit Tigers need a kick in the rear.

Yes, we have a poor record. Let’s see what kind of figurative corporal punishment you will suggest here. I’m sure it will be well reasoned.

Something must change soon.

It is funny how you suggest that the Tigers change things to improve the quality of their product but you are unable to do so.

I never thought we would talk more about Tiger Woods winning in golf again than the Tigers’ inability to win a series.

So you are saying that the Tigers’ inability to win a series is of relatively little interest compared to golf? So it must not be that bad then. The excitement about golf has outpaced the rage about the Tigers!

I have blamed manager Jim Leyland for six years.

Yes, you have. You allergic to cigarettes or something?

I don’t think there is anything else I need to point out about the man as an underachieving manager.

You are wrong. That is exactly what you need to do. You need to give reasons why you believe he is underachieving and you have yet to do so. That’s what separates intelligent analysts from people who yell. Perhaps you are going to do this below. Persuade me Huge! We’ll keep score of your arguments. So far SKIP 0 – HUGE 0

I’m watching Tigers drop like flies with injuries.

Is this reason number one? Maybe you have Jim Leyland confused with Kevin Rand or The Injury Fairy. The only way Jim Leyland can help control injuries is by putting people in the proper positions and by giving them adequate rest. If I remember correctly you usually advocate playing the “best nine” every day. With the observation in this article you are actually AFFIRMING Leyland’s approach. SKIP 1 – HUGE 0

Closer Jose Valverde looks like a reincarnation of Todd Jones meets Fernando Rodney.

WTF? Who edits this shit? This sentence is a mess. Sure, Valverde has struggled. Are you suggesting that someone else close? I don’t see it here. Are you suggesting Skip do something to make Jose better? No. SKIP 2 – HUGE 0

The bottom of the Tigers’ lineup looks like they are pressing. Their collective lack of run production is beyond words.

Let’s assume for a moment that the bottom of the lineup IS pressing. What would a good manager do to relieve some of this self inflicted pressure? He would: 1. support his players 2. be patient with them 3. give them some assurance of continued opportunities. Skip has done these things. Wouldn’t threatening to ship players out after every bad performance make them press all the more? Know anyone who does that, dumbass? SKIP 3 – HUGE 0

Tigers ace Justin Verlander has lost three in a row. He actually looked uninspired Sunday, a rare sight for one of the hardest-working pitchers the game has seen. If I constantly got the run support Verlander did this season, I would start to lose hope.

Ok, let’s assume Justin was uninspired. How is this Leyland’s fault? Perhaps it is his fault because Jim is not properly inspiring Justin in his last three starts. Fine. But then who inspired him to win a Cy Young and MVP award last year? Oh, maybe you are making the argument that Jim is failing to inspire Justin by causing runs not to be scored for him. That’s a stretch and also completely unsupported here. SKIP 4 – HUGE 0

The Tigers have a defeatist, non-confident look to them outside of Quintin Berry, Miguel Cabrera and Prince Fielder. 

Perhaps the reason the Tigers have a “defeatist, non-confident look” is because they are not winning. News flash: If they won more games they would have a “victorious, confident look”. The “look” doesn’t cause the outcome. But let’s assume your string of causation is in the proper order. What would help players feel more confident and thus win more? Supporting them! Skip does that when they are working hard. SKIP 5 – HUGE 0

The comedy show called “Second Base Platoon” is laughable.

If all his options are bad it is Dombrowski’s fault not Leyland’s. Jim can’t run Robinsone Cano out there. SKIP 6 – HUGE 0

It looks as if Alex Avila and Jhonny Peralta had those career years a year ago.

Yes, they did have career years a year ago. What’s your point? That Leyland inspired them to new heights in 2011? SKIP 7 – HUGE 0

Brennan Boesch seems jumpy at the plate.

No shit, maybe that’s what kind of hitter he is. How is Jim supposed to fix this? SKIP 8 – HUGE 0

What else can go wrong with this team?

Verlander could roll an ankle. Cabrera could get another DUI. Andy Dirks could need neck surgery. Drew Smyly could fall apart and be more like a typical rookie. Fielder could stop hitting for a terrific batting average. Austin Jackson could be out for much longer than we think. Victor may not come back at all. Quintin Berry could regress to his minor league averages or even worse. Benoit could be out a long time. Laird could be injured long term or stop hitting way over his head. Avila could wear down. How much more bad shit do you want me to come up with? There have been things that have gone wrong and there are some things that have been better than expected. Guess what? It happens to every team to varied degrees and it is NOT JIM LEYLAND’S FAULT.

They are not getting calls from umpires.

Maybe Jim should argue with them or have his staff argue and get ejected. SKIP 9 – HUGE 0

Nothing is going their way.

Leyland’s fault? If so, HOW?

They bottled a little magic Saturday night against the New York Yankees even though Jose Valverde made a million guys in Michigan watching the game feel as if they were giving birth to a child.

What does this have to do with the thesis of this article? Is Jim not causing enough magic to be bottled? Is there another managing candidate with a better Magic Bottling Percentage?

Leyland on short leash
So the question is how do the Tigers turn this thing around? I have a plan.

Of course you do. It’s “fire Leyland”. It’s the only plan you’ve ever had because you are an idiot.

The good news is the Tigers play in the American League Central. The bad news is the Chicago White Sox look like the Tigers did last year.

It must be Leyland’s fault that the Sox are playing so well. He kept us from getting Robin Ventura.

I think, if the Tigers fall to 8-10 games out of first place before the end of June, Leyland and his staff should be fired.

Aww. Good-bye Leyland, McClendon, Belliard, Lamont, Brookens, and Jones. We’ll miss you guys.

It would be a move with no risk involved. He has no contract beyond this season. If he was as highly thought of by management as some Leyland lovers think, then why wouldn’t he have years left on a deal?

You can’t fire a team, but showing Leyland the door might be the move this franchise needs. There is no way this is a “We expected to be better next year” situation. No. This is a year filled with World Series expectations. At the end of the day, it is a multi-billion dollar business. If you don’t produce, you are shown the door.

So if you could fire the team you would? Is it the team’s fault or Leyland’s fault? I’m confused.

If it can happen to Brandon Inge and Ryan Raburn, it can happen to Leyland. You do this to show the clubhouse they need to be better. Leyland seems halfway out the door anyway with his better-late-than-never comments about revelations about his team’s performance the first two months of the season.

If you could some how make a reasonable claim that Skip was “halfway out the door” this would be a reason to fire a guy. If he didn’t care and just chewed out his players for being bad and wasn’t working hard to prepare them properly I would support letting a guy go. Have you written about this? No. SKIP 32432 – HUGE 0

Give Brookens a shot
If Leyland is let go, then Tom Brookens should take over for the rest of the season. He is a respected Tiger who managed well in the minor leagues. You let Bull Durham and A.J. Sager come up from Triple-A Toledo as the hitting and pitching coaches.

Wait, didn’t we just say goodbye to Brookens? Isn’t he part of the cancer that you have identified (poorly) as the problem with this team?

Those three know the players and team.

So knowing the players and the team is a good thing? You know who knows the players better than anyone else on this planet? Jim Leyland. SKIP I stopped paying attention – HUGE 0

It is the wakeup call this team needs if they don’t start playing like a World Series contender this month.

This sentence assumes that the Tigers are apathetic, that they are simply mailing it in. I don’t see it. Do you see it? Perhaps you could explain how and why? Oh, that would require coherent thought. Nevermind.

The move also is a message to the fans and media the Tigers want to be World Champions again.

Because no one thinks they want to be World Champs now? Wouldn’t signing Prince Fielder reenforce their commitment to winning? Don’t you bitch about the pay roll all the time? You know who doesn’t want to be World Champions again? The fucking Royals. Ask a Royals fan if they would like to switch places.

No matter if Leyland stays or goes, a veteran second baseman is needed now. Give up what you must from the minor leagues to get an everyday veteran who stabilizes that position.

It’s nice of you to admit it really isn’t about Leyland. Thanks.

A veteran starter and a bat for the bench also is needed. The closer situation has been a concern since opening day.

Huh, these seem like GM issues.

Peralta and Avila must hit again. Boesch must re-discover his swing.

I’m sure Brookens will be able to do this as the manager, but not as the outfield/third base coach. Brilliant.

The time is now for this team to pick it up. They must make moves and play with urgency. The Tigers are the most disappointing team in baseball this season. Apathy from the fans is about a month away if the Tigers fall further behind the White Sox.

These are all platitudes that have nothing to do with the manager. Your only argument is: team bad = fire manager. If this logic is the only test of managerial quality the Rays would no longer have Joe Maddon. In 2006 he was 61-101 and in 2007 he was 66-97. He is now acknowledged as one of the best in the game. If you just use W/L record to evaluate a manager you are stupid.

Tigers general manager Dave Dombrowski must make the necessary moves to make the Tigers a better team. They need a strong month of baseball from now until the All-Star break. Get rid of Leyland, coaches, under-producing players or inconsistent pitchers. I don’t care what or how they do it, but something must be done now to get this team playing the way we expected.

Why don’t you just yell “GET BETTER! WIN MORE GAMES! STOP SUCKING!”? I bet you’d make a heck of a little league coach.

— Bill Simonson is host of “The Huge Show,” a syndicated radio sports talk show broadcast statewide

How he can possibly be in this position is beyond me.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. June 5, 2012 4:52 pm

    Mr. Simonson, what you’ve just written is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever read. At no point in your rambling, incoherent article were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on the internet is now dumber for having read it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

  2. @wardb4 permalink
    June 6, 2012 9:03 am

    Nice work BRAIN. Reading your’s and Rogo’s piece has amazingly calmed me today. It gets so old hearing people call for Leyland’s head… I can’t even listen to sports radio anymore.

    Best line ever:
    “Is Jim not causing enough magic to be bottled? Is there another managing candidate with a better Magic Bottling Percentage?”

  3. June 6, 2012 1:28 pm

    I dunno, Terry Francona has a pretty high MBP. I worry about his B/CR (Beer/Chicken Ratio) though, that might be a problem.

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