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Pinching Pennies

December 28, 2011

I just received my credit card bill in the mail. Included in the ledger were all my holiday gifts among my normal purchases. At the bottom of the paper was a number that at first I thought was my account number, but no, that was actually my new balance. Whoa. I don’t know about you, but I think it’s time for some post-Christmas belt tightening. Now no one likes belt tightening (especially Gene Lamont) but sometimes you have to fire your personal Matt Millens and get your house in order. This time of year websites and magazines will all be offering their tips on how to save money this upcoming year. I’ve reviewed them all and distilled the best ones for you here.

1. Inflate your tires to twice the manufacturers recommended maximum air pressure.
2. Instead of signing a number 2 or 3 caliber starting pitcher roll the dice on a low priced rehab project.
3. Instead of buying that expensive 2 ply toilet paper just take a shower after each poop.
4. Skip the gold plated door knobs on your guest house. The silver ones may not look as nice but they will save you a ton of money.
5. Forget the high priced Cuban imports when you have a perfectly good Delmon Young already.
6. Try Puerto Rico instead of going to the Fiji this year.
7. Platoon your second baseman. You’d be surprised how much productivity you’ll get compared to high priced free agents.
8. Steal newspapers and use the coupons to buy stuff you otherwise wouldn’t.
9. Don’t throw those grounds away after making coffee. Sprinkle a few new ones each time. One filter can last for a month or two. Smart.
10. If it’s yellow let it mellow. If it’s brown flush it down.
11. Remember, it’s always cheaper to grow your own third basemen rather then buying them on the pricy free agent market. Skip the Aramis keep your Castellanos.
12. Cut your own hair. It’s amazing what you can do with some kitchen shears and a razor.
13. Just put tomorrow’s breakfast from the post game spread in your pockets before you roll out after the game.
14. Don’t buy new clothes. Most places have a lost and found with perfectly good apparel. Help yourself!
15. Don’t buy that full sized Hummer. An H2 will get better gas mileage and even fits better into parking spaces!
16. Your backup catcher is a great place to save money. Always go for a one year deal and never for more than 1 millions dollars.
17. Shop for insurance often. Plus, dealing with insurance companies is easy, fun, and entertaining!
18. Save money on electricity by buying one of those baseball caps with the little LED light in the brim. Never turn on a light again!
19. Maintaining your things is always cheaper than having them break and replacing them. Regular rest for your catcher and outfielders is especially important.
20. Stretch those high priced spirits by diluting them with industrial grain alcohol.

Be sure to add your money saving tips in the comments below!

 

 

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