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Between Two Dugouts – Episode 1, Brandon Douglas

December 27, 2011

totally legit photo

Phil Coke’s Brain:  Hello Friends, Welcome to Between Two Dugouts. Today Brain Matters has the opportunity to sit down with Detroit Tigers’ prospect Brandon Douglas, the prospect so good he has two first names. He’s like a Brazilian soccer player, only twice as flamboyant. Anyway, welcome Mr. Brandon Douglas, glad to have you.

Brandon Douglas: Thanks….uh…brain thing.

PCB: Before we start I understand that you just returned from Mexico. Is it hard work being a drug mule?

BD: I wouldn’t say it’s HARD…it’s just REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE

PCB: Boy don’t I I know that! I still am having trouble holding my…. I mean…That’s what I’ve heard… Uh…..

SO, I see you play second base! When was it that you knew you couldn’t cut it at a real man’s position like pitcher?

BD: I knew right away…there was NO WAY i could handle pitching one day, then play golf every day for four of five days until i threw again…im just not that athletic!

PCB: HEY, don’t you sass me! Pitching is hard work! There is lots of stretching and running and you don’t just develop a putting stoke overnight. It takes practice to read those greens, ok?

Well Brandon man, is it true that you need to develop an intimate relationship with your double play partner? Exactly how intimate do you need to get?

BD: I believe you must form a “close relationship”…i’ll leave the “intimate relationship” stuff between the pitchers and catchers

PCB: Very funny joker……….well….At least pitchers always get to be the outside spoon.

Tell me the truth, you look down at those poor chumps in Lakeland and West Michigan don’t you?

BD: Nope not at all because i am one of those chumps…i’m just a double A chump!

PCB: Well, that is very noble. But remember, don’t be afraid to threaten and intimidate your way to the top. How do you think Verlander got to be MVP? He knows people. People with weapons. Allegedly.

How do you overcome the terrible adversity you face in being from Iowa?

BD: I just tell myself it could be worse…i could be from Louisiana (jamie johnson) or Texas (bryan pounds, ben guez) OR EVEN WORSE WASHINGTON (brent wyatt)

PCB: Man, Washington does suck, doesn’t it? Poor Brent. I mean it gave us overpriced coffee and Bonderman. Well, on second thought, maybe not so bad.

I understand you were drafted in 2007 by the Cincinnati Reds. Didn’t like them or what?

BD: after i got drafted by them…i just kept asking myself…”what exactly is a Red?”…a “Red” doesn’t scare anyone…now a tiger..thats something that could strike fear in even a Yankee!

PCB: Let me tell you, the only thing the Yankees fear more than the Tigers is running out of high maintenance, cosmopolitan women in cocktail dresses.

I see you’re listed at exactly 6’0, 200lbs….So that makes you like, what? 5’9” 160lbs?

BD: ……. classified

PCB: oooo…a little sensitive about that one are we? Don’t worry, this blog is high brow and would never make jokes about someone’s size

We just wouldn’t stoop that low.                             pfffffchhchhhhpffff… ahem 

On a completely unrelated topic, do you ever watch any of the Tiger’s second basemen and think, psh…I could do that!?

BD: of course..but lets be honest…WHO DOESN’T?!

PCB: No one, absolutely no one.

You’ve spent some time in the minor leagues, what’s the goofiest thing you’ve seen?

BD: In West Michigan in 2009..our trainer Cory Tremble, conquered the massive 5/3rd Burger in less than 40 minutes and he didn’t even throw up afterwards…..now THAT was impressive!

PCB: Very impressive. I think they teach competitive eating at trainer school. Have you seen these guys?! Vince Wilfork thinks they should mix in a salad.

 

Well, this has been fun but I have a tee time and need to get a massage in before my round.

If you are on Twitter be sure to follow the very entertaining Brandon Douglas HERE and join me in thanking him for having the courage to give this very prestigious, highfalutin blog an interview.

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