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Things I learned from the Winter Meetings.

December 8, 2011
  1. While constructing the new Miami Marlins stadium contractors discovered a bountiful vein of gold allowing the team to get drunk on free agent spending.
  2. The Tigers were likely to land Mark Buerlhe
  3. The Tigers had no conversations with Mark Beurhle whatsoever.
  4. Mark Buerhle is impossible to spell.
  5. Baseball fans complain when no one is getting signed and there is nothing going on.
  6. Baseball fans will complain in 2 weeks when all the free agents have signed and there is nothing going on.
  7. A person fell into the lobby pool while texting. No word if @allikazoo is ok.
  8. Octavio Dotel is like socks at Christmas. (free headline – “Dotel it on the Mountain”)
  9. Robert Fick is Dmitri Young’s agent. Dmitri is looking for work after losing 70 lbs.  He says he’s more committed than ever to helping Delmon develop a personality.
  10. Dave Dombrowski usually just stays in his suite the whole time. I find that surprising since Little Ceasers doesn’t deliver. How do they eat?
  11. Gio Gonzalez is a big deal. The Tigers were unable to wrestle him away from Billy Beane and Team Umizoomi with their prospects.
  12. Scott Boras enjoys having men circle tightly around him.
  13. I want to see Ken Rosenthal battle Lawrence Frank in a beingshort-off.
  14. I hate it so much when you open a new tub of greek yogurt and you peel the seal off and there is a little bit of yogurt on the top of the seal. You know those bastard yogurt packagers put that little bit there to make you think it was really full.  But guess what!? There ain’t no damn yogurt to the top! It’s only filled to like a whole inch down from the top! There is NO WAY the seal could come into contact with the much lower yogurt! They are totally effing with your mind! DON’T LIE TO ME YOGURT COMPANIES!
  15. All the 2nd and 3rd base free agent options suck ass.
  16. Albert Pujols is the reason people occupy stuff.
  17. The rule 5 draft is five times more exciting than the rule 1 draft.
  18. Yoenis Cespedes is going to LOVE capitalism.
2 Comments leave one →
  1. December 8, 2011 9:42 am

    Hilarious. This made my morning. Thanks PCB.

  2. December 8, 2011 10:58 am

    Jeffery Loria is a turdball. Vive las Expos!

    If Fick can get Delmon to quit folding his tongue over while he’s in the batter’s box, that would be the best thing he’s ever done. Dude looks like he’s dreaming of a giant cheeseburger or something.

    I, too, am tired of the evil tactics of the food manufacturers. Especially the Grocery Shrink Ray.

    Awesome list.

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