Santa doesn’t exist. Yeah, I said it. He’s like a backup catcher that can hit his weight or sex with a Fox Sports Detroit Girl — it exists only in our imagination. That means you have to drag your ass out of bed at some forsaken hour of the morning and stand in line with a bunch of mouth breathers at Walmart and buy some shit. Or even worse yet, since society has gotten such a boner for early shopping, stores are opening on Thanksgiving night. You haven’t even licked your wounds from the latest Lions loss before you are out filling your cart with any piece of garbage that people seeming to be clustering around.
Why do we do this? Because we love our family and friends, that’s why. What’s that you say? You have someone on your shopping list that you don’t give two squirts of piss about? Perfect! Cross them off your list completely and add someone you truly have affection for – a Detroit Tiger. That’s right, stick it to creepy uncle Roger and show your favorite Tiger you care. So as you head out to brave the retail battlefield, here are some Tigers gift ideas.
Many of the items are clickable in case your are dying to see the details
Take pill, catch entire game, repeat
Everyone needs inspiration
I know you think Brad’s not worth a shit, but I think at least some piss would be nice.
Worth a shot right?
I tease because I love
I can call you Betty
This game was based on a Valverde post game interview.
Stick to what you are good at.
Say it with me, “awwwwwwwwww”
Probably some male readers of this blog could use one of these too.
There is no need to fear…
*Trophies not included
Jhonny’s mom loves this game.
Can’t argue with back to back to back AAU championships
Just trying to help.
Homedics NMS-350 Shiatsu Neck Massager with Vibration and Heat
I don’t know if it comes in XXL, but it’s worth checking into.
“Money, Money, Money, Money What’s happenin’?” – Nelly, Batter Up
2011 Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG with Gull Wing doors. MSRP $183,000
Justin specifically mentioned this car on the Dan Patrick show, so don’t be a disappointing cheapskate.
gotta keep the ugly ones away somehow
Damn right. In a terrible grammar kind of way.
These are less disconcerting than looking into his eyes.
Joe Girardi will make you go through these.
PS. Amazon now thinks I’ve had a mental breakdown. Perhaps I have.