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A little pick me up

November 11, 2011

Through the course of a 162 game season you spend a lot of time with your teammates.  We chat, share recipes, and occasionally go out to the bar to chat up the “hotties”.  Everyone has a different approach to seduce the ladies.  Here are some that I’ve overheard:

Alex Avila – “Hey baby, how would you like to have things get a little hairy later? Sparks will fly”

Will Rhymes – “Proportionality, it’s huge”

Brad Penny – “I can last allll niiight looong baby.  Hey, wake up!”

Daniel Schlereth – “Wanna get with me and lose control?”

Brandon Inge – “I will agree to go down”

Doug Fister – “My name is Doug Fister, interested?”

Al Alburquerque – “I’m known for being completely nasty. You look like the type that would be into that.”

Jose Valverde – “WOOOOOOOOO YAAAY! LET’S DO THIS! YYAYY”

Austin Jackson – “Sure, you can call me Curtis if you want to”

Victor Martinez – “I just put down my accordion, I was practicing my fingering”

Brennen Boesch – “I’m from California, wanna screw?”

Don Kelly – “I know how to perform in a variety of different positions”

Miguel Cabrera – “Do you know who I am?”

Jhonny Peralta – “You think my head is chubby, just you wait”

Ryan Raburn – “Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Gretchen Wilson?”

Gene Lamont – “I’d love to wave you home”

Andy Dirks – “Yer purdy”

Magglio Ordonez – Hey baby, wanna see why they call me the big Tilde?”

Carlos Guillen – “I have one body part that’s never disabled”

Justin Verlander – “So, have you heard about my big extension?”

Rick Porcello – “ok ok, fine, let’s go…jeez, give me a minute. Stop unbuttoning my shirt, JUST A SECOND, RELAX”

David Pauley – “HELLO? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? HELLO?”

Danny Worth – “I’m known for my soft hands”

Duane Below – “How about you give me a below job?”

Delmon Young – “Have you ever seen what I do with my tongue during an at bat?”

Max Scherzer – “LOOOOK INTO MY EYES…YOU ARE GETTING SLEEPY…”

Joaquin Benoit – “Did you know Benoit is french for ‘humps like a stallion'”?

Jim Leyland – “I don’t know about the sex, but I sure as hell know what to do afterward”

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. November 11, 2011 11:39 pm

    Haha… this is your best post yet.

  2. Meredith permalink
    December 1, 2011 1:25 pm

    Hahahaha this is awesome! fister, boesch and porcello are the best!

  3. Anonymous permalink
    November 25, 2012 9:35 pm

    Cabrera should be- “I say I like to hit it?”

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