Skip to content

Do not resuscitate.

November 1, 2011

How do I say goodbye to what we had?
The good times that made us laugh
Outweigh the bad.

I thought we’d get to see forever
But forever’s gone away
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

I don’t know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we’ve been
And what we’ve been through.

If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it’s worth all the wait
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I’ll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

And I’ll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.

Today Tom Gage at the Detroit News posted this article talking about how the Tigers may be parting ways with up to 6 recently declared free agents. The most notable of whom are oft broken Magglio Ordonez and Carlos Guillen. I love these guys like crippled brothers, but Magglio got hurt doing basically nothing from what I can tell. At least Zumaya had a box fall on him. Make something up!

Why is it so hard to say goodbye to yesterday? Um…No idea, but sometimes you just have to. But why stop at ballplayers? Here are other things we need to not re-sign.

  • Flash mobs – Sure, spontaneous dance performances of Bad Romance and Thriller are cool. THE FIRST TIME. Please go away.
  • Planking – How did this even become a thing in the first place?
  • Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO – I know everybody should just have a good time. I know everyday your shuffling. I know woo woo woo woo wooooooo do do, woo woo woo woo wooooooo do do.
  • Google + – I think we can all agree this Cale Iorg of social networking. Lots of promise, couldn’t turn the corner, now sliding backward.
  • Kardashians – Stop existing in the same world I do, please.
  • 5 Hour Energy – I know, I know…it really works. Spare me. These little bottles of FDA unevaluated placebo have to go away.
  • Mitt Romney – This guy has been given more chances to fail than Nate Robertson and Wilkin Ramerez combined. He’s a tired old retread with nothing new to offer. It’s time to part ways with him America.
  • Occupy Wall Street – It’s been occupied, good work. Now you’re done. Wanna really help? Show up to vote and go serve abused street children in Guatemala.
  • Kerry Collins – Remember when he played for the Panthers?
  • Norv Turner – This guy’s the pits.
  • Annoyance with hipsters – The only thing more annoying than actual hipsters are people who constantly talk about being annoyed with hipsters.
  • Scarves on Men – Just because it’s okay to be gay, doesn’t mean it has to be an aspiration. Just saying.
  • Skinny jeans – I’m against this on philosophical grounds.
  • Cable TV packages – DO YOU REALIZE HOW EXPENSIVE TV IS FOR THE SHIT YOU GET?! You get to pay $50/month to get channels you mostly don’t want. Then the programming you do want is filled with advertising and cross promotions for more shit you have to pay for. Oh, and you get to deal with some mindless mechanized system of a cable company and when you do talk to a real person they are powerless assholes. Please internet, I’m begging you, come up with individual channels online that you can subscribe too. It is fitting that Zumaya endorsed Comcast, they are equally useful.
Anything else we need to let test the waters of free agency? Add them below.
Goodbye for now,
One Comment leave one →
  1. schwangfoo permalink
    November 3, 2011 6:58 pm

    Tim Tebow. That is all.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: