Spring 2012 Tiger twitter rankings
It is no secret that I love to follow all the Tigers buzz on Twitter. Last winter I composed a twitter list sorted by number of followers. It is interesting to see the differences in the amount of attention that different accounts receive. Now I have updated this numbers so we can look at how the follower total for these accounts have changed.
By way of introduction here are some criteria for who I included.
- The account must have primarily Tigers content. I’ve made a couple of exceptions with the FSN folks.
- Players must have played in the Majors this season. Sorry Jacob Turner. There are many minor league guys on twitter. I hope to do a profile on those next month.
- Since my last rankings there have been 100,000 new Tigers parody accounts. I am only including new ones I find entertaining. However if they were on my last list they have been grandfathered in even though they might suck.
- If you find a violation of these rules, tough shit, it’s my list.
- If you are tourqued your account wasn’t included please comment or tweet me to be included in the summer rankings (if I think you are worth including, ha!)
| Spring 2012 Rank | Handle | Spring 2012 followers | Winter 2011 followers | Winter 2011 rank | % Change | Rank Change | snarky comments |
| 1 | @JustinVerlander | 145,714 | 88,849 | 1 | 64% | 0 | The ace of the staff. I’m pretty sure some faceless PR company is running his account. Follow his brother @verly32 too. |
| 2 | @Tigers | 95,006 | 39,469 | 3 | 141% | 1 | The Tigers consolidated their accounts, smart move. Now front office and marketing are under one account |
| 3 | @FoxSportsDet | 25,675 | 19,823 | 4 | 30% | 1 | This is – Fox Sports (or so I’ve been told) |
| 4 | @RodAllen12 | 22,129 | 17,708 | 6 | 25% | 2 | I see ya big fella. |
| 5 | @JohnPaulWhite | 19,938 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | A new comer. Half of the musical duo The Civil Wars and a big Tigers fan |
| 6 | @mario_impemba | 17,912 | 13,542 | 8 | 32% | 2 | Abbott to Rod’s Costello |
| 7 | @tigersMlive | 16,736 | 15,119 | 7 | 11% | 0 | The comments are more entertaining than the articles |
| 8 | @bobwojnowski | 15,839 | 11,457 | 9 | 38% | 1 | I left him on, but not so much Tigs content lately |
| 9 | @Detroit4lyfe | 14,464 | 2,825 | 22 | 412% | 13 | I can’t say I read Detroit4lyfe. May have to start |
| 10 | @beckjason | 12,615 | 9,966 | 10 | 27% | 0 | If you are afraid of Jason Beck you aren’t paranoid, you’re smart. |
| 11 | @FSDetroit_Girls | 10,592 | 5,920 | 13 | 79% | 2 | Now a threesome! (no not with you, you perv) |
| 12 | @DannyWorth29 | 9,694 | 6,681 | 11 | 45% | -1 | Danny Worth can tweet with his glove on, he’s that good. |
| 13 | @Ballystar40 | 8,277 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | Collin Balestar. |
| 14 | @Dan_Dickerson | 8,115 | 6,502 | 12 | 25% | -2 | The voice of the Tigers. Great recaps after each game. |
| 15 | @freeptigers | 7,945 | 5,708 | 14 | 39% | -1 | Tigers news from the Freep |
| 16 | @Max_Scherzer | 7,025 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | Max is a good tweeter. Just needs to do more. |
| 17 | @Tom_Gage | 6,651 | 4,813 | 15 | 38% | -2 | Measurer of spring training home runs |
| 18 | @drunkmiggy | 6,258 | 2,821 | 23 | 122% | 5 | One drunken oops and you get a twitter account. Burp |
| 19 | @philcokesbrain | 5,813 | 3,090 | 21 | 88% | 2 | Yours truly |
| 20 | @JohnKeatingFSD | 5,590 | 3,479 | 18 | 61% | -2 | He looks bigger in person |
| 21 | @SmylyD | 4,909 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | #5 in the rotation, #1 in our hearts |
| 22 | @RyanFieldFSD | 4,864 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | Ryan Seacrest |
| 23 | @FatCatPrince | 4,747 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | |
| 24 | @Lynn_Henning | 4,548 | 1,217 | 34 | 274% | 10 | He has 273% more followers. Can’t argue with results |
| 25 | @Shannon_Hogan | 4,354 | 2,781 | 24 | 57% | -1 | I love me some Shannon |
| 26 | @blessyouboys | 4,318 | 3,436 | 19 | 26% | -7 | So good! I’m kissing up so I can be on the podcast someday |
| 27 | @fakeleyland | 4,221 | 2,209 | 28 | 91% | 1 | These remarks are total bullshit. Who does this crap? |
| 28 | @iamtrevort | 4,124 | 2,657 | 25 | 55% | -3 | Tell me about how [starting pitcher] looked to you today? |
| 29 | @RodAllenQuotes | 3,827 | 3,381 | 20 | 13% | -9 | Can’t get enough Rod. #twss |
| 30 | @Chris_Iott | 3,515 | 2,480 | 27 | 42% | -3 | Chris’ twitter is awesome. A must follow. Always fun. |
| 31 | @suss2hyphens | 3,236 | 2,488 | 26 | 30% | -5 | JOKES! |
| 32 | @ChrisVannini | 3,070 | 1,978 | 30 | 55% | -2 | He’s doing more Tigers stuff again now. Was super Spartan all winter |
| 33 | @Stareagle | 2,468 | 2,161 | 29 | 14% | -4 | A very fun and informative feed, a must follow |
| 34 | @FSDwakiji | 1,934 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | She’s on hockey a lot, but more Tigers stuff later I would guess |
| 35 | @Cmo_27 | 1,907 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | Craig Monroe – The guy knows how to wear a suit |
| 36 | @billfer | 1,879 | 1,834 | 31 | 2% | -5 | The Godfather of Tigers bloggers, may call in a favor any day now |
| 37 | @spacemnkymafia | 1,837 | 1,635 | 32 | 12% | -5 | He stays up late, he tweets about baseball – what more do you want? |
| 38 | @AdamWilk58 | 1,686 | 661 | 52 | 155% | 14 | This is the real Adam Wilk – there are no Adam Wilk parody accounts |
| 39 | @PapaGrande46 | 1,659 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | This is the real Jose Valverde – there are 100 Valverde parody accounts |
| 40 | @iancass | 1,592 | 1,481 | 33 | 7% | -7 | He writes about the National League. It’s like we don’t even know him anymore |
| 41 | @newstigers | 1,467 | 1,152 | 37 | 27% | -4 | |
| 42 | @EasyPapaGrande | 1,421 | 201 | 73 | 607% | 31 | Parody Valverde account |
| 43 | @matthewbmowery | 1,363 | 1,076 | 38 | 27% | -5 | Love Matthew. Great sense of humor. |
| 44 | @TigersFanZone | 1,248 | 1,183 | 35 | 5% | -9 | No idea |
| 45 | @rdsanti39 | 1,236 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | The real Ramon Santiago has fewer followers than 4 parody accounts |
| 46 | @jamesscheml | 1,227 | 762 | 47 | 61% | 1 | HELP! SEND VOWELS! |
| 47 | @SKORNACKI | 1,199 | 1,009 | 39 | 19% | -8 | Still on vacation in Fiji or something. |
| 48 | @BR_DETTigers | 1,194 | 1,177 | 36 | 1% | -12 | If it’s on Bleacher Report and not written by @iancass, don’t read it |
| 49 | @WalkoffWoodward | 1,183 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | Mr. Doc Worn and grown his blog and twitter very well. Good work! |
| 50 | @catswithbats | 1,165 | 901 | 42 | 29% | -8 | FKA @littlestclouds Nothing Tigers related escapes her gaze. She’s the Sauron of Tiger’s tweeters. |
| 51 | @Life_In_The_D | 1,154 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | |
| 52 | @Justin_Rogers | 1,122 | 826 | 45 | 36% | -7 | |
| 53 | @tigersblog | 1,071 | 959 | 40 | 12% | -13 | No idea |
| 54 | @ScoutTigers | 1,023 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | |
| 55 | @JohnLowe86 | 1,018 | 936 | 41 | 9% | -14 | |
| 56 | @norunsupport | 998 | 742 | 48 | 35% | -8 | Everyone’s favorite moderately grumpy baseball girlfriend. |
| 57 | @DailyFungo | 994 | 887 | 44 | 12% | -13 | |
| 58 | @Big_Al_TWFE | 980 | 896 | 43 | 9% | -15 | BlessYouBoys podcaster extrodinaire! |
| 59 | @RoarTigers | 978 | 568 | 58 | 72% | -1 | Half the images in any Tigers related Google Image Search are hers |
| 60 | @DNR_Rogo | 964 | 575 | 57 | 68% | -3 | Half the hits for any Tigers related term + any swear word link to his blog |
| 61 | @ColangeloTigers | 920 | 649 | 53 | 42% | -8 | He works for the Tigers. I don’t know if he can play 2nd so don’t ask. |
| 62 | @tigstown | 911 | 708 | 49 | 29% | -13 | TigsTown is a very good blog for people who aren’t poor. |
| 63 | @TigsTownMark | 903 | 797 | 46 | 13% | -17 | TigsTown! |
| 64 | @TigersScorecard | 873 | 690 | 51 | 27% | -13 | A Tigers Blog! |
| 65 | @MakeAveKurt | 791 | 624 | 55 | 27% | -10 | Donner’s manservant and chieftain of BlessYouBoys |
| 66 | @DisplacedTgrFan | 763 | 502 | 60 | 52% | -6 | I wish I had his beer budget |
| 67 | @TweetingTigers | 721 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | @bilfer compiled a list of Tigers Tweeters |
| 68 | @AceRHPDonKelly | 677 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | A parody account that isn’t. Good stuff. |
| 69 | @MotownTigers | 676 | 605 | 56 | 12% | -13 | This is some kind of message board where the old people go. |
| 70 | @TonyPaul1984 | 600 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | |
| 71 | @Jkunkel7 | 590 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | New to the list is our new bullpen catcher! |
| 72 | @TigersWTF | 566 | 506 | 59 | 12% | -13 | WTF? |
| 73 | @JohnJParent | 561 | 465 | 62 | 21% | -11 | His big cheezy grin profile photo always gets my attention |
| 74 | @Detroit4lyfeRob | 557 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | Rob |
| 75 | @mlbtrtigers | 539 | 441 | 63 | 22% | -12 | Trade rumors |
| 76 | @tiger337 | 535 | 408 | 64 | 31% | -12 | NUMBERS!! |
| 77 | @JAYRC_MCB | 520 | 280 | 67 | 86% | -10 | |
| 78 | @DeeTownTigers | 506 | 490 | 61 | 3% | -17 | |
| 79 | @Garretkc | 494 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | When I was his age the Expos existed. |
| 80 | @FakeGeneLamont | 491 | 349 | 65 | 41% | -15 | meh |
| 81 | @NotRyanRaburn | 399 | 297 | 66 | 34% | -15 | meh |
| 82 | @TigersGameday | 384 | 252 | 68 | 52% | -14 | |
| 83 | @StachOBally | 363 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | A tweeting mustache, that’s rediculous |
| 84 | @Tigerdog_1 | 331 | 203 | 72 | 63% | -12 | Y U NO FOLLOW @TIGERDOG_1?! |
| 85 | @FakeLloydMcC | 295 | 231 | 70 | 28% | -15 | meh |
| 86 | @SabreRoseTiger | 288 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | She recently unblocked me. Good source for Latin baseball news |
| 87 | @PrettyBoyBoesch | 286 | 214 | 71 | 34% | -16 | meh |
| 88 | @Tigercub33 | 279 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | |
| 89 | @tokarzontigers | 245 | 190 | 74 | 29% | -15 | If A=B and B=C then Tokarz is a nerd. |
| 90 | @FakeDombrowski | 238 | 176 | 75 | 35% | -15 | Meh |
| 91 | @eliatthetigers | 238 | 138 | 76 | 72% | -15 | Never listens to my giveaway suggestions |
| 92 | @DSN_Sports | 230 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | New to the list is our new bullpen catcher! |
| 93 | @DaveDumbrowski | 224 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | meh |
| 94 | @FakeAndyDirks | 210 | 114 | 77 | 84% | -17 | meh |
| 95 | @MCB_johnverburg | 206 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | |
| 96 | @VivaTigres | 205 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | She’s hellbent on figuring out who I am. |
| 97 | @MattinToledo | 196 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | |
| 98 | @ComericaParkDJ | 161 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | AKA @djleej – tweet him your requests to hear them at CoPa |
| 99 | @ChampaignCaviar | 158 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | |
| 100 | @DFASchlereth | 152 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | meh |
| 101 | @angeladawn26 | 138 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | |
| 102 | @AlmostHenning | 137 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | A rising star among parody accounts. It helps to have an easy target |
| 103 | @RestOfPhilCoke | 135 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | So yeah, this exists |
| 104 | @Theghostofrocky | 130 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | Must follow for the semi regular Tiger Haiku |
| 105 | @FakeRodAllen | 114 | 95 | 78 | 20% | -27 | meh |
| 106 | @TheBrowski | 90 | 66 | 80 | 36% | -26 | meh |
| 107 | @CntryStrongTigs | 78 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | Travie has been working on his blog and has good interviews. |
| 108 | @TAATigers | 77 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | |
| 109 | @CokeAddicts40 | 61 | 53 | 81 | 15% | -28 | My poor, poor fanclub |
| 110 | @Tigers_ebooks | 39 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | If you follow this, you belong to a secret club of nerds |
| 111 | @SarahDrielts | 37 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | A fan! |
| 112 | @April_in_the_D | 37 | N/A | N/R | N/A | N/A | A blog by girls! |
| @OFFICIAL_TIGERS | 0 | 59,212 | 2 | This account became @Tigers. And @Tigers became @Tigers_former in order to phase it out. Got it? | |||
| Exiting | |||||||
| n/a | @willrhymes | 18,004 | 5 | Moved on to Tampa Bay’s organization, still small though | |||
| @RobbieW19 | 4,313 | 16 | No big league appearances, off the list. | ||||
| @Jacob_Turner22 | 4,238 | 17 | See you back on the list soon. | ||||
| @ZumayasElbow | 695 | 50 | Sorry, so very sorry | ||||
| @Wbetemit | 629 | 54 | WILLLLLLLSOOOONNNN | ||||
| @Not_AJackson14 | 239 | 69 | Account deleted, I think. | ||||
| @lilWillyRhymes | 72 | 79 | Big Will is gone, so is little Will |
UPDATE:
This is portion of the blog post where I apologize to the people I missed.
@MelissaHeyboer, 729 followers, She composes the link “round ups” at Bless You Boys. It’s always a good way to waste 1-2 hours at work
@DanFenner, 436 followers, reporter for the Oakland Press
@ChrisDallasTX, 77 followers, his avatar scares me
@jwagnerblade, 825 followers, Mr. Wagner does a terrific job covering the MudHens. He is a great follow if you are interested in callups/transactions/minor league notes and the like.
Correction - @CntryStrngTgrs, 1202 followers, Travie Wade’s account and blog. I had the wrong handle and greatly undersold him.
Last one. I am adding @Brandon_Inge to parody account probation. He has 510 followers. I’m pretty suspect.
Troll Music
An important part of the ball park experience is the music, especially the walk up music. A good music selection can pump up the crowd and set the stage for a terrific performance. HERE is a list of the current Tigers’ music selections.
Now most selections are players’ favorite songs. Joe Lemire of Sports Illustrated has a more comprehensive article HERE. It does seem to me that selections are always consistent with the players’ race. Just once I’d like to see Andy Dirks walk up to my favorite walk up music of all time — Omar Infante’s choice when he was with the Tigers — Alegria by Tono Rosario:
But going with the expected is boring. Everyone knows Raburn is going to roll out some lame song about his truck or tractor or camouflage or inbreeding. Everyone knows Austin Jackson is going to walk up to a rap song that the Comerica Park DJs have to take and carefully dissect out the swears like a sushi chef preparing Fugu.
And then there are the pranks. Perhaps you remember this troll of Kelly Johnson:
Recently Max Scherzer took to Twitter to solicit suggestions from the masses. The choice most frequently suggested was this:
Har Har…See it’s funny because…nevermind.
So about about some more Tigers prank walk ups. Any of these could probably happen with a couple crisp benjamins in a hand shake with @ComericaParkDJ.
Perhaps Lynn Henning would like to see Prince Fielder walk up to this classic:
How about Papa Grande getting fired up to this apropos tune?
Drew Smyly
MLive Commenter might suggest this on when Brandon comes back (skip to :46):
Perhaps this one is actually too cool to have for Duane
Ryan Raburn could possible squelch some of his distractors with this choice:
Brennen Boesch needs this one. The perfect combination of cleverness and terrible music.
Too obvious for Peralta?
Donnie Kelly NEEDS THIS SONG SO MUCH!
Now it’s true that Phil Coke’s whole self runs out to Nickleback. If I had my way, this is what we’d run out to:
Opening Day Rage
Hopening Day
So much to talk about on Opening Day there is no way I could tweet it all. While Phil’s body has been to many Opening Days this was the first one I was really fully present! Let’s get to some observations:
- My brain-internet link was really shady. Thanks for nothing Verizon. I was hoping to tweet more, but that worked about as well as a rollerblading Raptor.

- The crowd is unlike other regular season crowds. First of all there are zero kids. This makes sense because why would you drop $200 on Stub Hub to drag along some kid who’s going to bitch about it being cold and who wants to leave after the 7th inning. Also many fewer women, this makes sense because why would you drop $200 on Stub Hub to drag along someone who’s going to bitch about it being cold and who wants to leave after the 7th inning. So, you’re left with a lot of sausage.
- The girls I did see were very talented…and drunk.
- Speaking of sausage. Nothing screams ball park like the smell of vendors grilling those damn sausages. They could be filled with beef tail and hog anus, STILL WANT!
- People are very friendly on opening day and are eager to show you how smart they are about the team. I smile and nod a lot while ignoring their nonsense.
- Opening ceremonies were very nice. I missed some stuff because I was preoccupied with needing to pee. Oops
- Flyovers are cool. If you don’t flyovers you don’t have a soul.
- The videoboard is legit! Very impressive. The shot where the show the on deck hitter from below with the city skyline in the back is simply gorgeous. It really adds to the experience without being obnoxious. I appreciate they go easy on the “fan propts” and other rediculous gimmickary on the board. Very well done.
- Above the videoboard is a large script “TIGERS” wordmark. The photos made it appear to me that this would be a static sign, but it was lit up with LEDs and had a number of dynamic images on it. I initially bitched because I thought it would be better to mount an olde english D, but this was very cool. My favorite was when they showed the flames because it was nice to warm up a little.
- I love me some Heather Nabozy (so sexy!) but the outfield grass looks a little crummy. It looks like Brennen was playing in is own special box (TWSS).
- My new theory is that the more people crab about Brandon Inge the less attention they pay to Jhonny Peralta and the more he hits to poop out of the ball.
- Justin Verlander is good at pitching.
- Austin Jackson’s strikeout’s look really weird this year. They kinda look like hits.
- Don Kelly played in the game. I’m less than stunned.
- I did warm up a little in the bullpen. I figured stretching and moving around was more appropriate than lighting something on fire for warmth.
- WTF is wrong with people who leave the game early!? Why even bother! Is your schedule so packed and your money so plentiful that you have to run off to something else after paying for the privilege of attending this game? WTF!?
- Eat ‘em up Tigers guy is not dead.
- While I have a spot in a beautiful parking structure it seems that the parking situation sucks. If only Detroit had unused real estate available and a host people who could use jobs and money to assist with parking. I guess it’s hopeless.
- Unfortunately I couldn’t join the pre or post party but it looked like people were having fun. And by “having fun” I mean drinking until they think Brandon should be the backup catcher.
I may add more things as they come to mind, but it was a unique experience and we got the win. What could be better!?
Opening Day Scavenger Hunt
Rookie:
- A group of 4 or more college bros flexing and ordering two beers at a time
- An overweight woman wearing an Inge jersey
- A fan taking the Dunkin Donuts race WAY too seriously
- Me spitting
- A man sitting in the upper deck wearing his glove the entire game
- A Cabrera or Fielder home run
- An assertive African American man offering to “watch your car”
- Fans excitedly screaming for a routine flyball
- Someone delighted by the “Where’s the Remote?” Comcast video board promotion
- Someone wearing Chicago Cubs gear
- Someone learning for the first time that Cecil’s son is on the team.
- A fan wondering where Magglio Ordonez is
- A man over 75 keeping score
- Paws playfully rubbing a bald man’s head
- An usher taking his job way to seriously
- Jim Leyland with the tips of his fingers tucked in to his pants
- Shannon Hogan
- A fan referring to Miguel Cabrera as “that Spanish fellow”
- A Chris Shelton jersey
- A Boston fan who thinks 3rd place in the AL East is a fair projection
- A member of the “DTE Engery Squad” falling down a flight of stairs
Hall of Fame:
- Rogo
- Phil Coke’s Brain
- A Brandon Inge hit
Breakin’ the law, breakin’ the law
Craig Calcaterra at NBC’s Hardball Talk has broken down the new MLB social media policy. He says, “The policy itself is more of a legal document, but it basically consists of a list of ten prohibitions.” Being a brain, I can get away with a lot, but let’s sample some tweets to see how I’ve well I’ve done abiding by the policy.
Players can’t make what can be construed as official club or league statements without permission
Hum, not so good here. I break news all the time such as:
Tigers shut down Johnny Damon talk due to “dead arm”
The Twins have officially released former Tiger Joel Zumaya back into the wild.
Miguel Cabrera has also been cleared to resume mental, social, and spiritual activity.” - Still no word about sexual activity. I’ll see what I can find out.
MLB simply will not tolerate racial insensitivity unless it is in the form of racing meat products.
Players can’t use copyrighted team logos and stuff without permission or tweet confidential or private information about teams or players, their families, etc.;
Let’s see:
Did you hear Craig Monroe bought new tires? Yeah, they were steal belted.
Rod Allen is getting himself ready for the season by making comments about people getting coffee at Starbucks.
Mafia snitch eager to start his new life as David Pauley.
Players can’t link to any MLB website or platform from social media without permission;
Does Becks’ blog count? I totally didn’t ask first. oops
No tweets condoning or appearing to condone the use of substances on the MLB banned drug list (which is everything but booze, right?);
Not too bad here, I leave this to @TrippingOlney
No ripping umpires or questioning their integrity;
Jeez, Joe sure knows how to put the cunt in Country Joe West. – oops
No racial, sexist, homophobic, anti-religious, etc. etc. content;
I agree that it’s really important that MLB do more to add female fans, we’re almost out of sandwiches.
Rex Ryan was eager to land Tebow and learn more about “washing each others feet”.
It’s nice to see Lin and Tebow take this “Where two or three are gathered in my name” thing seriously.”
Does making fun of BYU count? “I bet BYU always wants abandon the zone to play moreman defense” “BYU looks like they are on a mission!”
How about little people? Jamey Carroll looks like Wee-man on MTV’s Jackass.
No harassment or threats of violence;
Does this count? I like my coffee like I like my woman…Ground-up and in my freezer
How about: There is a big vortex of suck in Michigan right now. But enough about Bill Simonson, look out for that tornado.
Nothing sexually explicit;
Explicit? I don’t know, judge for yourself.
Just a reminder ladies, Don Kelly can handle any position. Happy Valentines Day!
New game: Find the dirtiest sounding thing that doesn’t have an Urban Dictionary entry. “Musty Kumquat”
I don’t get what Adele means by “Rolling in the Deep.” Maybe it’s because I’ve never made love to a large woman, who knows.
When it comes to sex you want a girl who is a Gus Johnson, not a Joe Buck.
Nothing otherwise illegal.
I got the last one perfect!
So, overall how did I do at abiding by the policy?

Time to get geared up
Opening day is exactly two weeks from today. If you factor in shipping time for purchases at the MLB shop it is time to get your butt in gear and decide what you are going to wear to the park! But PCB, you might say, isn’t picking out clothes kinda for girls? Pshh, have you seen Project Runway? There are a ton of guys on there.
I put the question of “what to wear” to Chris Iott at Mlive and his only suggestion was, “Clothes, please”. He says that like someone who has seen people chose an alternative. Huh.
So what options do we have? Well, if you are over 75 you are going to wear blue dress pants, a long sleeve plaid shirt, a cardigan sweater and an ancient baseball cap even if it is 80 degrees out.
Another popular choice to rock the jersey of their favorite player. This is sound but uncreative decision. 9 out of 10 jerseys are going to be Verlander, Cabrera, or Inge. Yawn. Sure, you may have to pay the long dollar for something custom, but here are better choices.
This is the jersey of bullpen catcher Scott Pickens. If you don’t know who that is you are obviously unworthy to wear the jersey. Showing up in this on opening day is showing the crowd that you know what’s up. Plus, people might actually think you are Scott Pickens and ask for your autograph. NICE!
This is another very solid choice. Paying $100 for an intentionally misspelled jersey of a player who is super streaky shows that you have the chops to be a superfan.
All of these choices pale in comparison to this beauty.
Jason Beck, among his other reknowned feats, is known for spotting obscure jerseys among the throngs of unwashed masses. Show up in this bad boy and you are certain to get an epic tweet out of ol’ @beckjason. That’s worth $100, right!? Darn right it is.
Up to this point I’ve totally left out the fairer sex. How can women dress that suggests they are serious fans but also shows off the curvature of their sweater monsters? MLB itself has some suggestions for you. Are you a big fan of David Chadd? How about this one?

Or maybe blue and orange clash with your season. Here is a random pink shirt with a D slapped on it.

New to the game? This shirt comes with some rules written right on it! Nice!

Of course no female fan would be caught dead at Comerica without these on:

Don’t knock it people, Lloyd swears by these.
Let’s take MLB’s suggestions a little farther shall we? You ladies could always rock this:
Or this
Classy!
My outfit is already predetermined. I’ll confess, it is pretty cool to wear white pants without being gay, a European golfer, or both.
See you at the ball park! I’ll be wearing number 40.







