Brain Matters

Detroit Tigers Cereals

February 22, 2012

Ok, this blog is getting way out of hand. I promise soon I’ll mix in some actual, legitimate baseball content at some point. But since this seams to be “trending” (as the kids say) today, I thought I’d try to start a list.

The whole phenomenon started with the arrival of “Fastball Flakes”, a cereal Justin Verlander graciously lent his name to to support veterans causes. Before we go any further I think we should acknowledge the fact that Justin was extremely generous with his time and resources to make this happen. In fact he’s giving 100% of the proceeds away, which I understand not every athlete does.

I’ll skip the twitter play-by-play, but after I suggested I would rather have some “Porcell-Os” things kinda took off. Many were contributing their Tigers cereal names. Perhaps completely by coincidence @MLBNetworkRadio picked up on the topic too. (Check out THIS for general awesomeness) I’ll try to credit the creators as much as possible. Just chew me out if I missed you. (har har)

My contributions are

Porcell-O’s
Apple Jacksons
Raisin Brandon
Octavi-Oats
Mueslex Avila

Others I’ve seen

Count Dracu-Laird – @mike_is_bored
Boesch-i Go Lean – @mike_is_bored
Jhonny Nhut Cheerios – @mike_is_bored
Raburn Bran – @mike_is_bored
Scherzer Pebbles – @Baroque97
Kelly Charms – @Baroque97
Raysin Bran – @Baroque97
Captain Crunch with Miggy on the box – @Baroque97
Fister Flakes – @Mickey_baseball
Prince Puffs – @devildogdandy
Jackson Holes - @devildogdandy
Rod Allen’s Beans & Rice Cereal – @M_liver
Fister Toast Crunch – @M_liver
Donald Kelly’s Anytime Cereal – @M_liver
Cabby Crunch – @TheRoar_24
Frosted Fielders - @Detroit4lyfeRob
Frosted Mini Cletes - @CoreyDMonroe & @DNR_Rogo
Did I miss yours? Let me know and I’ll add them.

Remember, whatever cereal you choose, make sure to pour on lots of cold Wilk.

Bonus content:

I don’t really know where these fit so I’ll slap theme here.

@notlindsay did a awesome job making this:

so precious

Here is her trophy

Also, I observed that Prince and Miguel together looked vaguely familiar.

Punishment

February 21, 2012

Previously we explored the rejected scoreboard puns. The whole idea got me to thinking about which ones I have actually seen at Comerica. Evidently they are so embarrassing you cannot find pictures of the video ribbon boards on a Google Image Search. It was time to go straight to the source. After much cajoling and pleading with @tigers I was able to get them to post their list HERE. Now I usually yield judgement on all things pun to Matt Sussman, but I’ll take my best shot at ranking these bad boys.

Winners:

“Livin Avila Loca” – Good word play, nice rhythm, and the reference is just campy enough to work.

“The Notorious I.N.G.E.” – Anytime you can mix in a reference to a obese dead rapper, you have to do it.

“Oh My Boesch” – Irreverent and clever. When you see it, you snicker.

Losers:

“Justin-credible” – This one is terrible for it’s lack of creativity. Jeremy Lin puns look like graduate level work compared to this thing.

“Sweet Clete” – It rhymes, that’s it. Not funny.

“The Andy Man Can” – This one would be better if the reference was better. Sammy Davis Jr. and Willy Wonka both creep me out.

“Austin Powers” or “Action Jackson” – No, just no.

“DELMONster-Shot” – This might be the only only entry that could appear both here and in my previous post HERE.

Ideas?

Can we do any better? They have to be clean and short to have a chance. Let’s give it a shot.

FISTERiffic

You can call me Al

Dotel it on the mountain

(for Andy Oliver) – Please Sir, I want some more

Dirks Bunt-ly (Shut up, Raburn would like it)

Anybody here seen KELLY? K E double L Y!

The Full Delmonty

Miguelegant

Joaquin on Sunshine

Duane’s World

Prince, harming!

PLEASE NO!!

Enjoy Coke!, Coke is it! - The pop reference is played out

Addicted to Coke! -The cocaine reference died with Charlie Sheen

Worth-y – Too obvious

Royal Prince, Prince of the Diamond, ect… – Too obvious

Alright, let’s see how you do. Add your creations in the comments.

Tiger memes (part 1)

February 20, 2012

So, you probably are familiar with this classic:

But do you know about these other Tigers memes?

Utility Donnie

Innuendo Fister

Nokia Avila

Serious Cabrera

HypnoScherzer

last one

Now you can create your own Innuedo Fisters and Utility Donnies! Better yet, link them in the comments! Slap hands, Slap hands!

Tigers REJECTED scoreboard player puns.

February 19, 2012

The ESPN mobile headline writer is almost certainly out of a job. He’s got experience in sports writing and would certainly work cheap. Perhaps the Tigers should take a chance on him and let him take over the scoreboard duties. Here’s the kind of things we might expect.

We get three strike outs in a row? – Hooray for the KKK!

Error at third? – WHAT THE MIGHELL WERE YOU THINKING!?

Second baseman taken out with a slide? – Inge-ury Timeout!!!

Prince hits a home run? – EAT IT CECIL!!

Peralta home run? – Jhonny Jhacks it!

Runner thrown out at second? – Alex A-baby cow meat-a!!!

Changing who plays Third? – Inge assumes the position!

Ramon makes an error? – Ramon SATANago

Austin makes an error? – I’M SORRY MISS JACKSON, OOOOOO

Brennen long ball? – Holy BoscHIT!

Ryan with an outfield assist? SKIN GRAFT TIME, THERE’S A RaBURN VICTIM!

Home run? – BALListic missile!!

Thomas gets a extra base hit? – CLETE-oral Stimulation!!

David Pauley pitching well? – GO PLAYER!!

Need some general cheering? – TIME FOR A HOLLAR-CAUST!

MAKE SOME NOISE DAMMIT!

YELL YOU PUSSIES!

Lamont gets a runner thrown out at home? – It’s a GENE-o-cide!

Tune in later where we explore the BEST of the worst. Feel free to submit your choices to @philcokesbrain

You must be new here

February 16, 2012

When Phil Coke’s Brain was birthed on Twitter almost one year ago I could have never imagined what would become of it. I was messing around when I saw the work of one @zumayaselbow and the concept gave me a smile. I wondered how perfect it would be to have all the things that Phil Coke says, or WOULD say if he could, streamed live via the internet. It didn’t seem like it would be too difficult and so here we are. I’ve been doling half-sensical things for a full season now and this blog was added a few months ago as an extension of my twitter feed. If you are looking for real information and quality writing you have come to the wrong place. Try Beck or Iott.

My first followers were hard-core Tiger uber-nerds who were ready to soak up anything Tigers related. From there things just started to snowball and I’ve done more random things. For example, after tweeting nonsense during the Grammys I made reference to the group “The Civil Wars” being @oldhossradbourn’s favorite act. (you see, cause he tweets about the Civil War and the group is called “The Civil Wars”…har har) The next morning @johnpaulwhite the male half of the group The Civil Wars retweets this and makes a comment. Where else can a random disembodied brain enter the consciousness of a multiple Grammy winner? Come to find out he’s a baseball fan and had been following me before that tweet. The only thing that made me smile more is when I learned Patrick Leyland showed his dad this video. The internet is a magical place I tell you.

In case you are a newer follower what goes on here might need a bit of explanation. I always feature Detroit Tigers baseball first, followed closely thereafter by general merrymaking. If you’ve gotten somehow entangled here by some non-Tigers means, or you follow the team irregularly (you should get that checked out btw) there are some things that might need a bit of explanation. As Spring Training is about to dawn, now is the time to reset the cast of characters so everyone has a basic understanding of what we are working with. In order to do this I need to be a bit like the anti-joke chicken and stick to the facts, so bear with me.

Wait for it… wait for it…

February 9, 2012

The wait is almost over. Pitchers and catchers report to spring training in a mere 10 days. This offseason has seemed shorter to me than most for several reasons. First, we played well into October. Second, I’ve kept myself entertained by running my mouth on twitter. Finally, a trip to Taiwan and a marriage tend to keep a body occupied. It seemed like a pretty quick 3+ months. But there are other times in life were the moments just seem to drag by. You stare at the clock, you drum your fingers, you play angry birds and time still stands still. Here are a few of those times, organized by actual duration.

Waiting: The longest ________ of your life.

1 second – the time between when you push send on your cellphone after zipping your johnson up in your pants and when the 911 operator answers

2 Second – the time between when you push the button on your remote and your satellite box changes the channel

3 seconds – the time after you point to a flyball but before it is caught

10 seconds – Prince running out a ground ball

23 seconds – The time between the ringing of the bullpen phone and the signal to warm up

1 minute – Nachos cooking in the microwave. Let me eat you already!

2 1/2 minutes – A red light when you are late for the game

3 1/2 minutes - The time it takes the cop to come to your window after pulling you over

4 minutes – Waiting for the pizza to cool off. (I can never wait that long and I burn my freakin’ hard pallet off every damn time.)

10 minutes – when you take a dump but forget to take your phone

15 minutes – The time it takes your wife to take the damn bobby pins out of her hair on your wedding night.

25 minutes – The last 1:02 of a NBA basketball game

47 minutes – College football halftime

1 hour – Listening to your cousin talk about her fried food purchases on her recent trip to the state fair.

1 hour 30 minutes - When you are a guest in someone else’s home and you wake up before they do and you are not quite sure what to do. You don’t want to wake them up, but you aren’t going to sleep anymore and you really need to go the the bathroom. Should you go out to the living room or just be quiet and lay in bed until you hear them making coffee or something?

2 hours and 2 minutes – Twilight

4 hours 15 minutes - The time after you feel a serious fart coming on and the time you leave your new girlfriends apartment

8 hours – The last day of school

1 week – Waiting for the results of your gonorrhea test

1 year – The year between your 20^th and 21^st birthday

5 years – The time between your father’s affirmations

One lifetime – waiting to get called on stage on The Price is Right

too cold?

February 3, 2012

The Detroit Pistons featured a special musical guest during halftime of tonight’s game. Check out how the artist got the job.

Does the Prince Fielder signing help the Tigers?

February 2, 2012

Yes

Coming up large

January 29, 2012

Much has been made of Prince Fielder’s size. Lynn Henning even went as far as calling him “husky” in public and questioned whether his new contract has a “weight clause”. I don’t want to minimize potential concerns, but hasn’t Prince Fielder been really good at baseball? Maybe some SABR guy can tell us if Prince Fielder is good or not. To my eyes, it is pretty clear that his size has not held him back. In fact the opposite may be true, his body type has helped him hit consistently and with power. Incidentally, he has been virtually injury free while some paragons of athleticism have had their careers scared by injury (I’m looking at you Ken Griffey Jr. and Grady Sizemore). Sure, it does not help his range or foot speed, but it also has never prevented him from being one of the most dynamic players in Baseball.

All this discussion got me thinking about precedent for the husky athlete. So, grab a rack of ribs and join me in looking at some of the more notable examples in sports.